Let’s get together and watch ourselves prepare to create waste.

04Nov11

I need to briefly comment on some cultural practices among homo sapiens that I find incredibly unusual. These are practices we do each and every day and probably are so accustomed to them, that we would never even stop to think about how odd, and frankly, disgusting they truly are.

The first is public restrooms with multiple stalls. That is just unnecessary. Now, at least in most countries our stalls exist and we are not just sitting on a bench with multiple holes cut out pinching a loaf next to a complete stranger. But, still. Gross. This is just an illusion of privacy. Even if you are just going the classic number one, it still comes with many unpleasantries. The common bathroom chatter, even when all parties are in the stall, talking; the sometimes common exchange of toilet paper that could result.

But the most uncomfortable one for me (and this is probably most applicable for women) is the wipe. The wipe is a necessary behavior if you enjoy good personal hygiene.  However, it is also an action for which I can HEAR!! I hear other women wipe (supersonic hearing?) and all I can imagine is the size of their possible bush. Then I start thinking… do they wax? Is it straight or curly? 70’s ,80’s or modern style? Ugh. No one should have to think that about a stranger.

Even number two, that is just next to impossible when there are people in the room. Those can be some pretty intimate sounds, yet alone the smell. Oy. I will not get in to how incredibly rude and disgusting it is when people gather in the bathroom to talk (and stay in there for what can seem like hours when you’re trying to achieve privacy to do your thing) or to brush their teeth. That is down right disgusting.

Which is why there should not be multiple stall bathrooms.

The second, most disturbing one for me is the common practice of eating together. How disgusting. Think about it. You are eating with some friends, or with your kids, or you’re on a third date at a nice place. You receive your meal. The conversations slow or stop. In the middle of enjoying your food, you suddenly realize what is going to happen to that food. Then you look at your date, whom you do not know very well. They chew their steak and wipe their mouth (wiping again, yuck). And then you realize… that piece of steak they just swallowed is going to turn to poop.

POOP.

You are watching your friends, your family, your kids, your co-workers, strangers. You are watching the first stage of pooping. Such an intimate activity. So intimate, in fact, that I find it strange no one freaks out about this when on a first dinner date with a new interest. I bet you will now.

You may as well be watching them poop, for you are watching another person ingest what will soon be waste that will come out of their anus. Bon Appetite.

Perhaps public restrooms should revert back to a concrete block bench and just poop together too.

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